Sirk's Notebook: Sounders FC 1, Crew 0

Columbus' home unbeaten streak comes to end in befuddling fashion

By Steve Sirk / TheCrew.com

As Robert Warzycha said, sometimes a match "does not go the right way." (G. Bartram/Getty)

I figured this is how it would end. I think even Crew coach Robert Warzycha had a hunch this is how it might end, as he had been quick to caution, when recently discussing the Crew's 22-game home unbeaten streak, that sometimes the result "does not go the right way."

On Saturday night, the streak came to a befuddling end on a night that the Crew clanged the post, saw a header cleared off the goal line by a bicycle kick, flashed two close headers just wide, forced a great save on a long-range blast, and witnessed their automatic penalty-kick converter rip a spot kick wide of the frame. The end result was a 1-0 victory for the visiting Seattle Sounders. The result did not go the "right" way, but the way this streak was chugging along, it just seemed like the only way it was ever going to end was on a night when the Crew's pregame warm-up consisted of breaking a mirror over the back of a path-crossing black cat while standing under a ladder. Or whatever it was they did that made the Seattle goal as penetrable to them as a painted tunnel is to Wile E. Coyote.

The thing is, it wasn't supposed to be like this. An hour before the game, as I chatted with team chaplain Jim Schmidtke, Seattle Sounders coach Sigi Schmid called out to us. "Somebody dropped their wallet," he said. "I wouldn't want either of you to lose it." Then he walked off to the Sounders' locker room.

I picked up the wallet. It was Jim's. Schmidtke had been holding his jacket, so the shifting about in his hands had tilted one of the jacket pockets into dump mode. As Jim demonstrated this to me, a 10-dollar bill fell out of his other pocket. He did not notice. I picked up the 10 dollars and told him he dropped that too. Jim was thankful, and noted that he didn't have any money in his wallet, so it's a good thing I saw him drop the 10.

Leaving aside the obviously perplexing question about why Jim keeps his money separate from his wallet, I felt confident. Sigi did a good deed by pointing out that Jim had dropped his wallet, but since the wallet was empty, my good deed trumped Sigi's by $10. We all know Sigi's an exceptionally superstitious man, so I felt thankful that fate had allowed me to flip karma back on the Crew's side.

Three hours later, after the Sounders had defeated the Crew, I saw Jim and told him my karma theory and how disappointed I was that it didn't work out. In fact, the result was the exact opposite of what I expected.

He chuckled. "It's obvious that you went to Ohio U," he said, "because you didn't do your homework. I didn't have any money in my wallet, but I had a credit card. Someone could have done more than $10 in damage with that."

Awwww crap. That's what I get for thinking I could out-superstition Sigi.

Anyway, here's the usual collection of notes, quotes, and anecdotes from Saturday's game...

THE STREAK IS DEAD

The Crew's home unbeaten streak of 22 MLS games (24 counting playoffs) came to an end on a night where the perhaps-weary Crew seemed second to many balls or gave it away too easily, yet paradoxically controlled the ball for most of the game. It came on a night when the Crew lacked sharpness in the offensive third, yet paradoxically created many dangerous scoring chances. It came on a night when they were the better team, yet paradoxically lost.

"The game of soccer is a strange game," said Sounders coach Sigi Schmid. "Last week, I thought we were a little bit unlucky in New England, and this week I think we had good fortune on our side. It's not often the Guillermo misses a penalty. The Crew is the best team in the league, so to come in here and win 1-0, no matter how it was, is something to be proud of."

"We played a very good game," said Crew coach Robert Warzycha. "But for some reason, it wouldn't go in the net. Sometimes you have games like this. The performance was there and the players left their heart on the field. This streak is something we are going to be proud of. We hit the post, missed a penalty, and it was a bit iffy on their goal. But (the Sounders) were lucky to get at least a point, and those three points are really going to help them."

For their part, the guys in the Crew locker room were sad to see the streak end, but they took it in stride and found the silver lining.

"It's better to happen now than in the playoffs or something," said Robbie Rogers. "It sucks to lose when you play well, but it's better to happen now."

Danny O'Rourke expounded upon Rogers' theme. "You never want to see a streak end, but in sports, this close to the playoffs, maybe it's a good wakeup call," he said. "It makes you hungry, especially since we're not used to losing or even tying games at home. Hopefully it's a wakeup call. Yeah, we played well, but we didn't have that killer instinct tonight and we didn't get the job done. We don't want to experience that again for the rest of the year."

William Hesmer seemed more concerned for the people in the stands than in the locker room. "For me, I am mostly disappointed for the fans," he said. "Ever since they have put together that Nordecke section, we have made this place a fortress and have fought hard for them. As you could tell at the end of the game tonight, they make everybody play hard whether you want to or not. We can feel their passion and it can't help but be infectious to the guys on the field. For whatever reasons, goals weren't meant to go our way tonight."

THE SEATTLE GOAL

Seattle scored the only goal of the match in the 32nd minute. Former Crew man Brad Evans played a through ball for the diagonal run of Seattle's leading scorer, Freddy Montero. Crew goalkeeper William Hesmer came sliding out to smother the ball, but spilled it in the face of Montero's challenge. The ball squirted six yards out to the edge of the 18, where Roger Levesque slotted a shot between two sliding defenders, past a recovering Hesmer, and into the Crew's net.

"(Montero) made a run behind us and I came sliding out and tried to make myself as big as possible so he couldn't pop it over me," Hesmer explained. "I just hammered through it, and to be honest, it took me a little while to find where the ball popped out. By the time my eyes found the ball, Levesque had come through and slotted it through. It's a bang-bang type play after the first save or collision with Montero or whatever you want to call it."

"I've played with Roger before," said Danny O'Rourke, "and he's the type of guy that seems to find the ball. He's a hard worker and that play just sort of fell right to him and he scored."

GUILLE'S MISS FROM WHERE THE PENALTY SPOT USED TO BE

As discussed earlier this week at The Black & Gold Standard, the Sounders engaged in a lot of gamesmanship before Schelotto's 83rd-minute penalty kick attempt. After Jhon Kennedy Hurtado body checked Eddie Gaven to the ground, Hurtado and James Riley engaged in a lengthy face-to-face debate with referee Ricardo Salazar. During this time, Tyrone Marshall did a fairly good job of digging a hamster grave where the penalty spot used to be. As Schelotto protested the penalty spot divot, Salazar was forced to go to the edge of the 18-yard box to mediate a scuffle initiated by (who else?) Marshall. Steven Lenhart had staked out his position at the edge of the 18, while an army of Sounders tried to shove him off of his position so they could get goal-side of him. ("I was just trying to hold my position," Lenhart said, "but they came in and starting bullying me around and the ref got on their side, so I lost.")

When all was said and done, two minutes and 16 seconds had elapsed between the foul and Schelotto's penalty attempt. Brad Evans admitted to MLSnet reporter Craig Merz that the Sounders were doing everything they could to get into Schelotto's head.

Schelotto sent a low line drive wide of the left post. It was the first penalty kick miss of his MLS career. In the postgame locker room, Schelotto could be seen addressing groups of teammates, making sure they knew he took responsibility for the loss. "It's my fault," he said a few times to anyone within earshot.

When questioned by the media, Schelotto repeated the refrain.

"I shoot bad," he said. "I put the ball outside. It's my fault, I know."

He even brushed aside Seattle's gamesmanship, although in acknowledgement of the question, he did utter a classic Guille-ism when addressing Marshall's landscaping.

"I feel terrible for the missed penalty," he said. "I shoot bad and put the ball outside. They broke the floor before the penalty, but it is my fault."

And while Guille's classic comment eventually spurred me to go back out onto the field to see how broken the floor really was (answer: VERY broken), it doesn't really matter, as I don't think any of Seattle's gamesmanship had one tiny bit to do with Guille's miss. Studies have shown that icing the kicker in pro football has no effect on the kicker's accuracy. Based on a STATS, Inc, study that examined pressure kicks from 1991-2005, NFL field goal kickers were actually an insignificantly tiny percentage MORE accurate when iced. But succumbing to the pressures of action bias, coaches ice the kicker anyway. It's more defensible to have done something than nothing. If the kicker misses, as they all do sometimes, it is suddenly because he was "iced." And if he makes it, hey, the coach did what he could. So coaches are biased toward engaging in an activity that burns a timeout and has no effect on the kicker.

If someone doesn't think Guille has the concentration of an NFL kicker, they're crazy. The time delay surely meant nothing. And yes, Guille complained about the divot before taking the kick, but if complaining about every injustice he observes on the soccer field actually disrupted Guille's concentration, he'd barely be able to complete a simple square pass, much less win the league and MLS Cup MVP awards while carving apart the league for 19 goals and 28 assists in his last 53 MLS appearances, including the playoffs. Seattle could have paraded the entire Sounders marching band across the penalty box, led by Drew Carey armed with nothing more than flaming baton and a rave green Speedo, and I doubt it would have had any effect on Guille's concentration when he stepped up to take that kick.

In his postgame press conference, Sigi suggested that scouting may have played some role.

"Our goalkeeper coach always looks at all the PKs before we play a team, so we looked at all of Guillermo's PKs," Schmid said. "We know that Guille likes to go down the middle when he can. We said, 'Just hold your ground. Hold your ground, and force him into making a decision.' He's not going to miss very often, so we'll take it."

Sigi was right of course, and he didn't need the help of his goalkeeper coach. Any experienced Crew watcher (and few are more experienced than Sigi) knows that Guille likes to go up the middle. Five of his prior eight penalties went up the middle, but it seems that's the safety option once the keeper commits. Like football coaches icing kickers, goalkeepers are prone to action bias on PKs. It comes across better to have dived one way or the other than to seemingly make no effort. Guille seems to exploit this once they keeper betrays his intentions. After all, you can't miss a corner up the middle.

Not so coincidentally, the two times MLS keepers held their ground as Keller did, Guille scored once to the left corner and once to the right corner. Counting Saturday, keepers are 0-for-9 in guessing Guille's location. In 7 of the prior 8 penalties, either Guille or the keeper chose the middle, with Guille outfoxing them every time, which further leads me to believe that shooting up the middle is the safety option once the goalkeeper tips his hand. The only time the keeper dove one way and Guille went to the opposite side was this year against Kansas City. (And even though Guille went to the right side, it certainly wasn't a corner job.)

So in the end, I don't think the time wasting and Marshall divot were a factor at all. And while an example of astute scouting and preparation, the effects of Keller holding his ground were likely minimal at best, although it did take away the 100 percent safe option, so there is definitely some credit to be had there. Rather, I think it was simply the law of averages. Most long-term, league-based penalty kick studies have shown that they have a 75-80 percent success rate. Guille's miss drops him to 89 percent in his MLS career. For perspective, MLS players are scoring at a 78 percent rate (46 of 59) in 2009, and hit at 75 percent (36 of 48) in 2008. Heck, the league's King of the PKs, Jaime Moreno, is 42-for-50 in his MLS career, good for 84 percent.

Nobody's perfect. The law of averages caught up to Guille. It happens. Even Guille knows it happens, and the miss seemed to do nothing to dent his confidence.

"I know I can shoot bad sometimes and miss a penalty," he said. "I feel sorry for it. But that's it. The next game is the next game. I hope that if we have a penalty to shoot, I score."

It may not come across correctly on the page, but in awesome Guille-speak, that last sentence came across in the sense that he hopes HE will be allowed to score the Crew's next penalty, rather than being bypassed for the shot because of this one miss. Next time, he still wants the ball.

It doesn't appear that Guille has much to worry about in that regard. Danny O'Rourke joined the chorus of teammates who were shocked by the miss, but also shrugged it off and said they would want him on the spot at the next opportunity.

"Obviously people are going to talk about Guille's PK, but how many times has he stepped up and tied a game or won it for us?" O'Rourke said. "He knows he should have made it, and he said so to us. But he's our go-to guy and I would want him to take the next one. I hope he's not too down, but then again, he never is. He'll be fine."

KELLER ON THE WIDE PK

After a tough loss the previous week in New England, Keller felt that the Sounders were due for a little good fortune, which they got in the form of Schelotto's wide shot on the penalty.

"It's nice to have something like that fall your way," he said. "You're not going to bank on that happening too many times. We needed that lucky break because we conceded two goals last week, one which was never a penalty and another that was offside. After that, it was nice to catch a lucky break this week."

GUILLE'S PK HISTORY

For those interested, here is a summary of Guille's PKs. The directions used are in relation to Guille's right or left. The first direction is where he shot the ball, while the second direction is where the keeper went.

07/07/07: middle / right
04/12/08: middle / left
06/21/08: middle / right
06/28/08: left / middle
08/23/08: right / middle (Note: In a fluid 1-2 motion, Rimando jumped straight out as the ball was kicked, then dove to Guille's left. So Rimando held his ground in the middle at the time of Guille's strike.)
03/28/09: middle / left
06/06/09: right / left
09/20/09: middle / right
10/03/09: wide left / middle

TYRONE MARSHALL

With the Sounders fighting for their playoff lives, Tyrone Marshall turned in a heroic performance for the visitors. He was the difference on two surefire Columbus goals, he had a starring and controversial role in Seattle's attempt to ice Schelotto before the PK, and he successfully landed 137 elbows without earning a yellow card, shattering Steven Lenhart's Crew Stadium record.

While I don't think the icing had an effect, and while I exaggerated (only slightly) about his physical play, there is no denying that Marshall came up huge at crucial moments and saved the day for Seattle.

Marshall's head came to the rescue in the 24th minute, when the Crew unleashed the prettiest sequence of the night. Robbie Rogers raced up the right side and played a beautiful cut-back pass on the ground to Schelotto at the edge of the 18. Guille made one of those nonchalant sweeping back heel passes to an onrushing Eddie Gaven, who smoked the ball to the far post. The ball clanged off the post and the rebound caromed almost to the Seattle corner flag. Another fraction of an inch and it would have been off the post and in. Replays showed that the fraction of an inch that denied the shot came courtesy of Tyrone Marshall's head, off which Gaven's shot had skimmed several molecules, putting the ball ever so slightly off course.

That was nothing compared to the 70th minute, when Marshall made a spectacular play to preserve Seattle's lead. Rogers served a beautiful far post cross from the right flank, then Gaven headed the ball across the goalmouth to the other post. Lenhart's head got to the ball a split second before Keller's fist. The ball was destined for the net, but in that split second it took the ball to travel those six yards, Marshall turned himself upside down and cleared the ball off the goal line with an amazing bicycle kick.

It was Tyrone Marshall's night. If the Sounders make the playoffs, his clutch plays on Saturday will be a big part of that accomplishment.

A BRIEF MOMENT WITH STEVEN LENHART

Speaking of Marshall, when I saw Lenhart in the locker room, I shook my head and remarked that he was robbed by a goal-line bicycle kick.

"Was I?" he asked. "Man, that sucks."

Before I could ask if he seriously didn't notice that he was robbed by a spectacular bike, Lenhart dropped one of his patented goofy non-sequiturs one me.

"You know what else sucks?" he asked. "The goalie is allowed to use his hands and I'm not. I would love to just spike one in."

THE UNLUCKY POST BECOMES THE LUCKY POST

The post that robbed Gaven back in the 24th minute played a pivotal role in a far more fortuitous play for the Crew in the 75th minute. Seattle's Osvaldo Alonso ripped a shot that nailed the far post, hit a diving William Hesmer in the back, then caromed back toward gaping net. The ball landed just inches from the goal line, but in an act of what can only be described as cartoon physics, it took off nearly sideways and rolled out of bounds just wide of the post. Had the ball stayed in play, Freddy Montero was there for the put-back, but the crazy spin off of Hesmer's back befuddled him just as much as everyone else in the stadium.

"I thought it was in," said Hesmer. "I was already pissed and yelling, and then I looked up and said 'thank you.' I must have been living right somehow or some way."

WELCOME BACK

Between Schmid, his assistant coach Ezra Hendrickson, and Sounders midfielder Brad Evans, Saturday saw three Massive Champions make their first trip back to Columbus. While I didn't get to talk to Ezra, Sigi and Brad were happy to be back and to spend time with their Crew folk.

"The reception from the fans was tremendous," Sigi said. "Obviously, once the game started, and especially at the end when we were hanging on, we got heckled a bit. That's to be imagined. It was very receptive and very good. I was happy to be welcomed in that way.

"I was joking with Robert when I saw him a couple of nights before the game," he continued, "and I said 'We need the points more than you do. Plus, if we don't get the points, we might play each other in the first round and we don't want to play each other in the first round.'"

"It's great to come back and to see all of the guys," Evans said. "You don't think about it much until the week leading up, then you get excited. We got in Thursday, so I got to have dinner with some of the guys and catch up. It was great.

Evans said he didn't catch any flak from the fans despite wearing blue. "The fans were great," he said. "Everybody was really nice. I think everyone knows it wasn't my decision to leave the Crew. It's worked out in such a way that either way I would be happy. It was great to come back. The atmosphere was good and the field was in great shape. It's always nice to play on grass. That was a real pleasure."

KELLER ENDS ONE UNBEATEN STREAK, PRESERVES ANOTHER

Seattle goalkeeper Kasey Keller's shutout snapped the Crew's home unbeaten streak, but it preserved his own personal unbeaten streak in Columbus. The win improves Keller's career Crew Stadium mark to 4-0-2 with just one goal allowed in the six matches. Keller's first five appearances came with the U.S. National Team.

"It's nice," he said. "This year I kept my RFK streak and my Crew Stadium streak still alive. It was cool. I thought it was a pretty good atmosphere tonight and we rode our luck a little bit there at the end. This is a great place to play and they have a good home record, so it was nice for Sigi and them to come back and break it."

With back-to-back wins in the U.S. Open Cup and in league play in September, Keller ran his unbeaten streak at RFK Stadium to 11 games. Between the U.S. and the Sounders, he is now 8-0-3 in D.C., allowing four goals.

BEGINNER'S LUCK? OR OHIO HOSPITALITY?

Everyone seemed to focus on the fact that Sigi coached the Crew at the start of their 22-game home unbeaten streak, then was the opposing coach of the team that ended the streak. I suppose that's interesting and all, but I am infinitely more fascinated by this head-scratching fact:

The loss before the streak started was a 2-0 defeat at the hands of the expansion San Jose Earthquakes, while the loss that ended the streak was a 1-0 defeat at the hands of the expansion Seattle Sounders. Amazing. Between visits from big bad expansion teams, the Crew went unbeaten at home for 16 months against established MLS clubs.

In fact, Crew Stadium has been a great place for expansion teams making their inaugural visit. After beating Real Salt Lake in May of 2005, the Crew have taken just ONE of a possible TWELVE points from expansion teams making their first trek to the House That Lamar Hired More Qualified People To Build:

05/21/05: Crew 2, Salt Lake 0
10/01/05: Chivas USA 1, Crew 0
05/26/07: Crew 2, Toronto 2
06/07/08: San Jose 2, Crew 0
10/03/09: Seattle 1, Crew 0

TRIPLE THE FUN

Saturday night was a unique moment in central Ohio's sports history. The Ohio State Buckeyes football team played at the exact same time that the Crew and Columbus Blue Jackets hosted games. The Crew and Jackets had gone head-to-head in meaningful home games five times before, but never have all three teams simultaneously competed for local eyeballs.

The only other day that the Buckeyes played on the same day that the Crew and Jackets were both home was Nov. 8 of last year. However, the Buckeyes played at Noon that day, while the Crew and Jackets played at night.

But this past Saturday, the Crew and Jackets had to draw crowds not only against each other, but also against the Buckeyes' mammoth TV audience. Amazingly, despite going head-to-head-to-head, both the Crew and Jackets saw identical 28.9 percent attendance increases compared to last Nov. 8, when the Buckeyes played earlier in the day. Fifteen years ago, it would have been deemed crazy talk to suggest that Columbus could draw combined crowds of over 35,500 for professional soccer and hockey when directly going up against a Buckeyes football broadcast. Columbus has come a long way, hasn't it?

One can only speculate what madness would transpire if the Buckeyes played at HOME at the same time as the Crew and Jackets, but that's something that will likely never happen. The strain on Columbus' police/roadway/parking infrastructure would make it nearly impossible to pull off.

THE VILLE

Crew communications coordinator Jason Smith is a native of Louisville, Kentucky, and as such, is a big Louisville Cardinals fan. Last Thursday, his Cardinals took on the Pitt Panthers in a nationally televised football game that aired immediately before the MLS Game of the Week.

I'm never one to hope that a team from Pittsburgh ever wins at football, but after watching the game for two seconds, I was thrilled that Louisville was in the process of getting shellacked. Why? Because their jerseys say "The Ville" across the front. That is absolutely horrible.

When I saw Jason in the press box on Saturday, I immediately started giving him crap. He explained that they refer to Louisville as "The Ville" down there, and they sell t-shirts and everything that say "The Ville."

"Still," I countered, "there's no reason to put that on the front of the football jersey. That would be like the Miami Hurricanes putting 'The U' on the front of their jerseys. It's embarrassing."

Smith mentioned that he had received harassing texts from William Hesmer as the football game aired, so I later checked in with the Crew's goalkeeper. His words were eerily familiar.

"That was shocking," he said. "I couldn't believe it. What's next? Miami with 'The U' on the front of their jerseys?"

FLICK FLUSTERED BY FASHION FAUX PAS

I am almost positive that my good buddy Flick would be annoyed by Louisville putting "The Ville" across the front of their jerseys. He is easily annoyed by things like that. This is especially true on the soccer field, when players commit various fashion crimes and misdemeanors such as wearing long sleeved shirts under a short-sleeved jersey. And hell hath no fury like Flick at the sight of Freddy Montero's mismatched footwear.

Seattle's leading scorer wore one blue shoe and one white shoe, which I knew would annoy Flick. I didn't even have to ask him to find out. He was so annoyed that he called me on his way out of the stadium. I received the following angry voice mail while doing postgame interviews:

"I know you're working, but I just want to say that I can't believe that the Crew lost to a (bleeping) team that plays a (bleeping) forward who wears two DIFFERENT-COLORED (BLEEPING) SHOES. They lost to a team that plays a (bleeping) guy like that. So put THAT in your (bleeping) Notebook. I'll talk to you later."

If I ever win the lottery, I am definitely going to produce a reality show called "Flicked Off" that places a thoughtful, intelligent, and personable engineer into irrationally irksome situations, then records the tirades that ensue.

FANTASY FOOTBALL

I have been way behind on my coverage of the Crew's fantasy football league, so here are some tidbits from the first four weeks...

1. Before the season started, William Hesmer was very high on his team. He claimed that he "single-handedly" stole the draft. He also added, "I would like to say that I respect my teammates knowledge of FF but that would be a lie. If I don't win this year, it will be a tragedy of Biblical proportions."

I don't know how his team fared in week four, but I know his team is off to a 1-2 start, much to the delight of his competitors.

"I couldn't name you one player on Will's team, so that's how good they are," said Andy Gruenebaum. "Will is the first guy to rag on your team, and he's just a negative person in general, so I tend not to listen to anything Will has to say. But as long as he loses, I am happy. The only time I want Will to win is when he's playing for the Crew."

(These next quotes came after week two, when Hesmer's team was 0-2.)

"Will is 0-2, and I made sure everyone knew it on our league message board," said Danny O'Rourke. "Right now Will is 0-2 and out of the playoffs."

"Will definitely has the worst team," said Jason Garey, also after week two. "He is 0-2 and claims to be a fantasy guru. He overanalyzes it. When you spend a hundred dollars per week on fantasy football magazines and spend several hours per day analyzing reports, there's some over-analysis going on."

All of the gloating may be short lived. After telling me he was going to blow up his team if he fell to 0-3, Hesmer beat Gruenebaum to get back on track. He also won in week four, so Hesmer is already back to even.

"I'm finally back to .500 after firing the front office and renaming the team," he said.

Um, wouldn't firing the front office mean firing himself? Apparently not. It seems that Garey's comment about over-analysis from outside sources was more truth than fiction.

"No, I was solely the owner, listening to the advice of all the analysts too much," Hesmer explained. "I should've trusted my own knowledge more. Now I'm owner, general manager and coach."

And not so coincidentally, he's also back in the playoff mix.

2. Frankie Hejduk's team is loaded up with his hometown San Diego Chargers. He rattled them off to me after the Galaxy game, and I believe it was seven players plus the San Diego defense.

"You could say that Frankie had a shocker," said Hesmer, "but he's a Super Charger and believes in his guys. However, it's hard to rationalize taking both Peyton Manning and Philip Rivers within the first 5 rounds. He must know something we don't."

Indeed he must. Despite being a fantasy rookie and shameless homer, Hejduk's team went 3-0 out of the gate.

"Frankie is off to a good start," said Garey. "Nobody saw that coming. Frankie's lineup is basically the Chargers. I wish I had him in his, I mean THEIR bye week, but Cory was the lucky one, so that will be Cory's only win of the season."

"I lost to Frankie in week one," Gruenebaum admitted. "He essentially had the Chargers playing against Oakland, so that was a disadvantage for me."

3. Hejduk finally suffered his first defeat in a pivotal showdown of 3-0 teams. The victor in that match-up was none other than the most fantasy-football obsessed Crew player of them all, Danny O'Rourke. (As many of you may recall, Danny gave me an update on his fantasy football team's performance while still on the field after MLS Cup. He had an inactive teammate monitoring his fantasy team from the bench on a cell phone.)

O'Rourke felt that his team's mediocre performance last year was a crime, and before the draft even took place, he tried to coerce Alejandro Moreno into admitting that Danny had the best team last year and that if he drafted that exact same team this year, they would win. I recall Ale's response being that he sighed something to the effect of, "If you say so."

But this year, Danny O's team is the real deal. (Although Hesmer attributes it to Danny being able to soak up Hesmer's expertise over the past few years.) Danny's boys are 4-0, prompting Danny to create the new slogan, "Four and oh, still no goals!" It's a nice mix of fantasy and reality.

"Danny's off to a fast start," said Garey. "After all the crap he talked last year and how bad his team was, he needed to get off to a fast start. He'll be doing a lot of talking until he runs into my team."

"The guys on my team have a lot of heart," O'Rourke said in explaining his team's success. "Larry Fitzgerald and Frank Gore have a lot of heart. The grass may be greener on Chad's team, but they are playing well for me right now." (More on Chad's team in a moment.)

4. The craziest game of the season thus far saw Gruenebaum possibly rewrite the record book in week two to throttle Garey's team despite Garey putting up a monster week of his own.

"I felt good about putting up 170 points, which I think is a record," said the Hammer.

"I got hit by a buzzsaw against Gruenebaum," Garey confirmed. "I scored over 140 points and still lost, so that was a tough one."

5. And the funniest line I've heard thus far came courtesy of Hesmer, when assessing Chad Marshall's team before the season kicked off.

"If there was a darkhorse," Hesmer said, "I would give it to Chad because he makes more money than some of his players, and could offer them some extra incentives that us others who are struggling to pay our own bills could not."

However, Gruenebaum shrugged off Marshall's financial clout. "I can offer nothing to my players except for friendship," he said, "and you can't really put a price tag on friendship."

I have no idea how Chad's well-heeled team is doing at the moment, but I will save that for another day. After all, there's never a shortage of fantasy football trash talk when any two participants are in the same room.

"We have a good time with it," Garey said. "It gives us something to talk about in the locker room besides soccer."

THE FINAL WORD ON GUILLE'S PK

After our serious discussion about Schelotto's PK miss, Danny O'Rourke offered this deadpan nugget:

"If he were really an MVP, he would have looked at me and said, 'Danny, come take it.'"

I asked Duncan Oughton what might happen if Danny O took a penalty, and the Kiwi said that he feared for the lives of the Crewzers up on the stage. Team administrator Tucker Walther trumped that guess.

"If Danny took a PK," Tucker said, "he would be the first person to ever score an own-goal on a PK."

Steve Sirk is a contributor to TheCrew.com. This story was not subject to the approval of Major League Soccer or its clubs. Questions? Comments? Think the Crew should volunteer to play two road games in Philadelphia next year? Feel free to write at sirk65@yahoo.com.